Your Meal Ticket to Success: Dishing on Proper Business Etiquette

At a lunch conference at an elite Boston university, I was at a table that included a renowned educator with a double Ivy League affiliation, a national television producer, and a successful publicist. They seemed professional and accomplished--until the fish and key lime pie arrived.

The producer began his meal before anyone else was served. When her coffee came, the publicist brought her mouth to the cup that was on the table and slurped. Then the pedigree professor pulled out a toothpick and proceeded to use it.

Any wonder why business dining etiquette classes are booming? With more people grabbing fast food on the fly and having fewer meals together as a family, the task of teaching and learning good manners often bites the dust. Yet today they are essential. A tight employment market means businesses can be picky about hiring, and a global economy mandates knowing local dining customs and taboos. Some business schools have begun to offer etiquette courses, and other advice is being served up in the form of videos and websites (go to any search engine and type "business dining etiquette"). Many sites also offer business etiquette IQ tests.

Why it matters

Why do you need to know that salt and pepper are always passed together or other proper dining protocol? More than half of all business deals are clinched over food. Prospective employees are often invited to lunch on their second or third interview so that companies can see how they handle themselves. If you slurp your soup, for example, would-be bosses may think you could be careless at work. At the very least, they could be underwhelmed by you and decide to pass on the job offer or the sale.

A consulting firm once hired Barbara Pachter, founder of a New Jersey business communications firm and author of The Prentice Hall Complete Business Etiquette Handbook, after one of its directors took a prospective client with a $30 million portfolio to dinner. When the director licked his knife during the meal, the investor was appalled and decided to take his business elsewhere.

Peggy Newfield, an Atlanta corporate etiquette consultant, wonders: "Would you ever take your client out for a game of golf if you've never held a club in your hand? Both dining etiquette and golf are learned skills. Everything about us sends out major signals to other people and dining is all part of that package. You really don't want to be talking with food in your mouth and spraying people!"

Food for thought

Pachter contends, "The meal isn't the only thing that counts. Dining etiquette really begins from the moment you schedule the event" if you're the host. That means picking a restaurant that is conducive to talking, finding out if your guest has any dietary restrictions--don't choose a steak place if he is a vegetarian--getting a good table, knowing what to order, and making suggestions so the other person has an idea of an appropriate price range.

When you are the guest, stick to dishes you like and know and that are easy to eat. "The main purpose of a business meal is business, not food," says Pachter. "It's not the time to experiment." Or, as Newfield likes to tell people who attend her course, "your wing days are over!"

John Stiner of Washington, D.C., couldn't agree more. "When I was interviewing at a law firm I was taken to a fancy French restaurant and ordered something I thought would be easy to eat--a crab dish," he recalls. "I spent the next 45 minutes trying to avert the eyes of my lawyer hosts while I quickly spat out the crab cartilage in every bite!"

Felicia Davis, a bank manager from Cleveland, has attended an eight-hour etiquette course. "It's almost like having a document that says, 'this is how business etiquette should be done.' In order to be successful in any arena, you have to be comfortable with who you are. Taking the course has made me comfortable about taking charge at a meal, where I'm sometimes the only female." Davis believes there are so many changes in today's working world. Questions she had before she became a manners maven were: How do you pick up the check with a man who might get offended? (Give your credit card to the maitre d'.) How do you make introductions? (Start with the most important person in the group.)

A proper dining primer

One article can't tell you everything you need to know, but here's a start.

• Use utensils from the outside in, i.e. eat salad with the fork that's farthest from the plate.
• Bread plates, like other solids, go on your left, while drinks (water, wine, coffee and other liquids) go on your right.
• When you're seated at a long table, you can start eating when two people to your left and right are served. If your food hasn't arrived, tell others to begin.
• Only reach for items that are in front of you; ask that the rest be passed.
• Wait for your host to put her napkin in her lap before you touch your plate. Keep your napkin in your lap until the meal is over; if you leave the table during the meal, place the napkin on your chair.
• Begin a serious business discussion with a new client after the main course is cleared or during dessert; old clients can bring up business any time during the meal.
• Don't order anything messy, like pasta or finger foods.
• Never order the most expensive thing on the menu; see what your host is getting and take your cues from him.
• Turn off your cell phone or leave the table if you must talk.
• Stay away from liquor or at the very least, limit it.
• Thank your host with a note or a phone call.

Whatever you do, watch what you say so you don't need to eat your words. When Stiner worked in New York City before moving to Washington, D.C, some senior law partners took the summer associates to lunch. "One summer clerk looked quizzically at the lemon wrapped in cheese cloth and tried to take it off," he remembers. "But the greatest moment was when the waiter spilled steaming hot coffee on the big deal partner. He jumped up and called him an S.O.B.!"