Same Time, Same Place

Last year, I decided to fly to Washington, D.C., for the day to visit one of my favorite editors. Besides seeing each other at an occasional conference, all our interaction until then had been through e-mail and phone. That was working fine, but I had a hunch meeting with her would be good business. She invited two other editors to join us for lunch.

My hunch paid off. In that one three-hour period, I received a contract to write a dozen articles and I was introduced to the head of another company division who subsequently sent assignments my way.

As travel costs soar and electronic communication tools become more sophisticated and cost-effective, the way we communicate is changing. The options of having a face-to-face meeting or talking on the phone get overlooked as we become more reliant on e-mail, instant messaging, and teleconferencing.

Using these electronic tools indiscriminately is a big mistake, say experts. "We have to use offline and online strategies and tools to be effective in today's marketplace. It's not an 'either/or,' it's a 'both,'" says Susan RoAne, a San Francisco business consultant and author of Face to Face: How to Reclaim the Personal Touch in a Digital World. "In these competitive, multitasking times, there are people so focused on their agendas, their quotas, their digital techie tools that they forget that spoken words contribute to the chemistry and connections with their clients and colleagues," she says.

For creating those connections, the richness of face-to-face communication can't be beat. Eye contact and the nuances conveyed in body language are two big things missing from e-communication (although high-end videoconferencing tools do allow for eye contact now). Spontaneity and unscripted collaboration are more likely to happen when everyone is sitting at the same table. And anyone who has been misunderstood in an e-mail exchange knows how much easier it is to correct a misunderstanding in person.

Meeting a client one on one can help develop, nurture, and cement a relationship. And, when you're right in front of someone, they're more likely to remember you for future projects--particularly when your competition is only e-mailing.

Generations and genders

As a result of growing up on e-mail, instant and text messaging, and social networking sites, members of Generations X and Y may not see the need for in-person meetings and may even be less comfortable with them than older workers. Eric Chester, author of Employing Generation Why: Understanding, Managing, and Motivating Your New Workforce, feels that younger people's proficiency with technology has diminished their ability to effectively communicate with managers and prospective employers face to face and over the phone. "They are going to have to adapt quickly or they'll struggle to get ahead," he says. Older workers are having to adapt, as well, accepting and learning to use all the communication tools now available.

Age isn't the only issue. Men and women tend to respond differently to face-to-face encounters and to e-mail. "Neurobiological research shows that men listen primarily with the left side of the brain, which is analytical, fact-based, and data-charged," says Atlanta-based gender expert Connie Glaser. "Women listen with both sides of the brain simultaneously, so they have that analytical but also the intuitive, creative side. This means women are more adept at reading body language and that there is a stronger emotional connection when they are communicating."

Women, it turns out, use face-to-face communication to build rapport whereas men use it to convey information, says Glaser, who is author of GenderTalk Works: Seven Steps for Cracking the Gender Code At Work. This may explain why women tend to be more chatty in e-mail while men often respond to e-mails with just one word. A woman may view that lone word as rude; the man, however, sees it as a way to get to the point. In her seminars, Glaser instructs women to use question marks and exclamation marks sparingly when they e-mail men, and for men to write one full sentence, minimum, in correspondence with women.

In addition to using communication methods differently, men and women also respond to them differently. Research conducted by Rosanna Guadagno and Robert Cialdini studied same-sex persuasion communication. They concluded that men are more competitive by nature and may be likely to be persuaded by rational arguments posed by another man in an e-mail because it "dilutes the competitive aspects of face-to-face." (The study did not address those with pre-existing relationships.) Women, on the other hand, use face to face communication to build cooperation and are therefore more likely to be open to persuasion when hearing a rational argument from another woman in person.

One form of communication is not necessarily better than another. The important thing is to be intentional about which form you choose. Part of that is knowing how your audience prefers to communicate. Some people find the phone intrusive; others get overwhelmed by e-mail messages and would rather do business by phone. If you don't know what the person prefers, ask.

Beyond that, here's what you need to know:

• E-mail: It's most effective for relaying simple facts or contact information, making and confirming meetings or phone calls, following up after a telephone or in-person conversation, staying in contact, getting in touch after hours, and introducing people or ideas. E-mail provides a record of the conversation. It can be used any time, day or night, and allows you to mull over and edit what you've written before sending. It's definitely not the medium in which to take risks or be cheeky since e-mail is easily misconstrued.

• Telephone: If you can't get together in person, the phone is usually the next best thing, especially when following up after meeting someone or connecting online and staying in touch. Always check with the person to make sure you're calling at a convenient time.

• Face to face: Typically, it's the gold standard for establishing trust, problem-solving, and consensus-building. It also works well for conveying information about complicated transactions, giving and getting advice and feedback, and talking about personal matters. One-on-one meetings are a way to get to know someone, and conversations are less subject to misinterpretation.

• Videoconferencing: Innovative technology and low cost are making this a popular option. Screen resolution is sharper than on high-definition TVs, images can be magnified, and people appear life-size. Cisco Systems, which has more than 200 telepresence rooms, estimates it has shaved off $100 million in annual travel costs. Hewlett-Packard offices that use telepresence have reduced air travel by 25 percent. For all its advances, an initial meeting via videoconferencing still doesn't establish the same level of trust as a face-to-face meeting--at least not yet.

All of these ways to communicate can be powerful when you understand your audience. Whether it's in the flesh or on the big screen, e-mail, videoconferencing, or the telephone, what really matters is that you make meaningful connections. As RoAne notes, "technology is great, but you have to know when to use it--and when not to."